... aren't the torrents.
It's the correspondence!
http://thepiratebay.org/legal
The best ones are those where the non-pirates are really insistent, like the websheriff lawers:
Subject: Re: Re : WHITE STRIPES / Pirate Bay - Torrents
From: anakata
To: [email protected]
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 14:01:41 +0200
On Thu, 2005-05-26 at 06:11 -0400, [email protected] wrote:
>
> Web Sheriff
> Protecting Your Rights on the Internet
> Tel 44-(0)208-323 8013 / Fax 44-(0)208-323 8080
> [email protected] www.websheriff.com
>
> STRICTLY PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
> ATTENTION ADDRESSEES ONLY
>
> Dear Frederik,
It's spelled "Fredrik".
> We would refer you to our notification of yesterday's date regarding
> the above, the contents of which are self-explanatory (hereinafter
> referred to as the "Notification"), to which we have yet to receive
> the courtesy of a response.
We would like to refer you to our Legal Threats section, on which we,
while having much fun, ridicule people like you.
Thank you for your contribution.
> Notwithstanding the fact that you contend that torrent hosting is
> legal in Sweden (which we would dispute),
...and I would like to refer you to the relevant court cases.
Unfortunately, our legal team partied quite heavily last night, so the
only reference I can provide you with is Högsta Domstolen (the Swedish
Supreme Court) NJA I 1996 page 79.
> you also seem to fail to recognise that your web-site is accessible
> all over the world and that, as such, your actions and, furthermore,
> your refusal to act, opens you and your company up to the possibility
> of law suits in - inter alia - the United States and the United
> Kingdom. Such law suits could result in your being refused entry to
> both the US and the UK
Damnit. You got us there. Now I'm so scared I pissed my pants. Where
should I send the invoice for cleaning them?
> Accordingly we would strongly recommend that you immediately comply
> with the Notification, failing which we shall be obliged to advise our
> clients' attorneys to take against your company (and your company
> officers) without further notice.
Wow, we have something in common! See, I also have obligations of my
own. For example, I'm obliged to provide entertainment to our users.
> We would also warn you that, if such steps do prove to be necessary,
> our clients' attorneys would also (a) notify the Swedish tax
> authorities of your commercial activities,
You mean our non-commercial, loss-generating activities?
> (
notify the Swedish government of your illegal activities, (c)
> notify the Swedish record industry association of your pirate
> activities and (d) notify the IFPI of your piracy activities.
Do you seriously believe that these parties aren't already aware of the
site? You may want to read Swedish media...
> We shall look forward to hearing from you.
We look forward to receiving more of your so exquisitely designed HTML
e-mails with the shiny wanna-be-police-star.
> Whilst writing, we would further caution you against communicating
> or otherwise posting any remarks that could be construed as being
> defamatory of our clients (or Web Sheriff) or that could otherwise be
> injurious to our clients' (or our) genuine business interests.
> Similarly, we would inform you that the copyright in the Notification
> and, indeed, this e-mail is vested in Web Sheriff and that, in the
> event that you attempt to publish either the Notification or this
> e-mail on your web-site (or elsewhere), appropriate action shall be
> taken for infringement of our copyright (we trust, in this regard,
> that you will concur that Sweden does recognise copyright).
We trust, in this regard, that you will concur that publishing your
e-mail is not in violation of Swedish copyright law. When our lawyer's
hangover has passed, he will be more than happy to explain the juicy
details to you.
> Naturally and notwithstanding the foregoing, all accumulated rights
> of our clients - including, but not limited to, the right to institute
> proceedings against your company in the United States - remain
> strictly reserved.
You also have the right to institute sodomizing of yourself. Preferably
with barbed wire, but retractable batons might also work if you push
them far enough.
> Yours sincerely,
>
> WEB SHERIFF
I wanna be a cool WEB SHERIFF when I grow up. Do I get a shiny star and
a six-shooter?
Second Email & response
Subject: Re: WHITE STRIPES / Pirate Bay - Torrents # 2
From: anakata
To: [email protected]
Date: Thu, 26 May 2005 20:36:08 +0200
On Thu, 2005-05-26 at 10:53 -0400, [email protected] wrote:
>
>
> Web Sheriff
>
> Protecting Your Rights on the Internet
>
> Tel 44-(0)208-323 8013 / Fax 44-(0)208-323 8080
>
> [email protected] www.websheriff.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Dear Frederik,
>
> Hello.
Hi! Please, learn to quote properly in your e-mail messages. You can
learn from how I do - I promise you that proper quoting is not patented.
> - We know all about your immature responses to rights owners.
What did you expect? I mean, I still wet my pants damnit, but only when
I'm scared by big mighty policemen like you.
Now you need to pay for another cleaning 
.
> - Fascinating.
Not as fascinating as the fact that you don't seem to get the hint, or
the fact that someone might actually be paying you to send poor attempts
at scaring people...
> We would suggest that you nominate attorneys in the US who can accept
> the service of proceedings on your behalf. If you do not do this, then
> an application can be made to the Federal Court to serve proceedings
> out of the jurisdiction (ie. in Sweden). This would simply mean that
> our clients would seek to recover more costs from you for the
> additional application. Once proceedings are served overseas, a
> default judgement can easily be obtained unless you elect to defend in
> the US.
I hereby nominate Mr. Lionel Hutz at I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-IT'S-A-LAW-FIRM.
He's a fictional character, but that should be enough to receive your
fictional servings in your non-existent case.
> Not when the ultimate content (ie. of the combined torrents)
What the [my mom told me not to swear, so I deleted this word] is a
combined torrent?
> belongs to third parties ... ... these are their rights to exploit,
> not yours (as you shall no doubt discover).
Now that's what I call a miserable attempt at a cliff-hanger. Let me
guess, you failed your literature classes? Just like you failed law
school and the police academy, and became MR WEB SHERIFF. John, is that
you?
> - That would be a matter for the appropriate authorities to decide
> upon once a formal referral has been.
"once a formal referral has been" ? Me fail english, that's unpossible!
> - Our clients would ensure that the matter is progressed in tandem
> with the IFPI
>
Tandem, is that kind of like spooning? Mommy doesn't allow me to watch
porn, especially not gay porn starring people in fake police uniforms.
> until such time as these activities are ceased permanently ...
At the current rate, I would approximate that you will succeed slightly
after the heat death of the universe, or the Armageddon, whichever comes
first.
> .. this is only a matter of time ... ...
Another miserable cliff-hanger.
> then you would be held to account to all of the parties whose rights
> you have infringed.
> - Regrettably, you may well be in receipt of further communications
> from us.
Yes. You are consuming valuable disk space, CPU time, and bandwidth.
Should I put it on the same invoice as the pants cleaning?
>
> We trust, in this regard, that you will concur that publishing your
> e-mail is not in violation of Swedish copyright law. When our lawyer's
> hangover has passed, he will be more than happy to explain the juicy
> details to you. - You are wrong ; unauthorised publication is a
> copyright violation, which is actionable in virtually every
> jurisdiction in the world (including Sweden).
>
I managed to wake him up (at least he wasn't passed out in an alley this
time), and after he finished laughing, he wrote a nice response for you.
Since you have proven to be such adepts at Swedish law I feel a bit bad
about telling you this. In Sweden not everything is protected under the
copyright laws. A text, for example, has to reach a certain level of
"artistic" and/or individuality value. Itÿs arguable that a, more or
less standardized, e-mail notification of infringement of copyright does
not measure up to this required standard. In any case one can only
reclaim actual damages in Sweden. And proving that the ´unauthorized
publication of your copyrighted material¡ (as in your e-mail) has caused
you any actual damage or loss of profit, related to the infringement and
not the plain stupidity of your own wording, seems to us to be an almost
impossible task. Knowing Swedish law and the Swedish justice system I
would guess from none to zero. And for your information Sweden is a
civil law country and we do not use the idiotic jury system that is
favoured in the common law countries. (you might want to get a
translated copy of the Swedish copyright law ´Lag (1960:729) om
upphovsrätt till litterära och konstnärliga verk¡. We are sure that such
a respectable company as the ´web sheriff¡ must employ a vast staff of
translators. Good luck!
> > Naturally and notwithstanding the foregoing, all accumulated
> rights
> > of our clients - including, but not limited to, the right to
> institute
> > proceedings against your company in the United States - remain
> > strictly reserved.
> - We have read all of these (supposedly funny) insults that you
> publish before ... ... you might not be laughing when proceedings are
> issued against you in the United States (amongst other things).
As you might know American law is NOT applicable in Sweden. Even though
USA seems to think, from time to time, that there is only one law, just
as there is only on god. In your own law your courts claim only
jurisdiction (under the ´long arm statutes¡) over non-state residence
only in certain cases. Namely when the ´defendant¡ has minimum contacts
in the state where the suit was initiated. In the case Asahi Metal
industries Co., Ltd v. Superior court of CA the U.S. Supreme court ruled
that such ´contacts¡ did not exist since the defendant had no offices,
no agents, no employees or property and so on. Much like our case. The
only thing connecting us with the US is the fact that our torrents are
accessible worldwide. Not being an expert on American law (we have
something in common. Isnÿt it fun how people from all over the world are
connected through our own ignorance?) we still are of the opinion that
there is no, excuse the language, chance in HELL that you will be able
to initiate a suit in an US court against our us and have us summoned to
the US.
That means that such a suit will have to be initiated in Sweden, under
Swedish law. As to this date Swedish law does not forbid the activities
relating to having bitorrent-tracker. Nor does any Swedish precedent
exist that forbids it. We are confident in our assessment that our
activities are perfectly legal and they will continue until such a time
that the Swedish lawmaker changes the law.
It might be hard for you to get what Iÿm about to say through your thick
John Wayne foreheads, so bear with me. The tracker provides the user
only with .torrent files which contain no copyrighted data. The actual
copyrighted material is to be found on the individual machines of our
users, not on our servers.
> - Yes, when you grow up.
>
My mother says I'm a big boy now .
>
>
>
