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Tragically funny real church bulletins

By on February 21, 2016 3:17:14 PM from Stardock Forums Stardock Forums

Borg999

Join Date 02/2006
+53

The person who sent me this list claims these are genuine grammar/typo errors. Enjoy.

 



The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

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February 21, 2016 4:05:26 PM from Ashes of the Singularity Forums Ashes of the Singularity Forums

Love it, haven't laughed that much in a while. Thanks for sharing.

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February 21, 2016 4:26:16 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

A few of those made me literally laugh out loud.  Thanks. 

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February 21, 2016 8:05:23 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Awesome!

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February 21, 2016 8:18:19 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

  Thank you for the laughs!!!!  I needed that!

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February 22, 2016 1:19:50 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

  

         

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February 22, 2016 7:44:02 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

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February 22, 2016 9:13:23 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting DaveRI,

A few of those made me literally laugh out loud.  Thanks. 

Ditto .... and sadly I'd read them before.

Damn this Alzheimers'  ....

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February 23, 2016 9:57:01 AM from Stardock Forums Stardock Forums

Quoting Jafo,


Ditto .... and sadly I'd read them before.

Damn this Alzheimers'  ....

I didn't realize that this had been around  for a while. I guess that if you wait long enough, everything old is new again.

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February 23, 2016 11:21:02 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting Borg999,

I didn't realize that this had been around  for a while. I guess that if you wait long enough, everything old is new again.
  ... so true, but then if you have memory problems, laughing a second, third or fourth time about the same thing, is still healthy!!! 

Carry on!!!!

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February 23, 2016 3:40:51 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting Jafo,


Quoting DaveRI,

A few of those made me literally laugh out loud.  Thanks. 



Ditto .... and sadly I'd read them before.

Damn this Alzheimers'  ....

 

That would be damn! Wish I had Alzheimer's. Other benefits...always meeting new friends, hiding Easter eggs and I forgot the other.

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February 23, 2016 4:17:44 PM from JoeUser Forums JoeUser Forums

Quoting DrJBHL,


Quoting Jafo,






Quoting DaveRI,



A few of those made me literally laugh out loud.  Thanks. 



Ditto .... and sadly I'd read them before.

Damn this Alzheimers'  ....



 

That would be damn! Wish I had Alzheimer's. Other benefits...always meeting new friends, hiding Easter eggs and I forgot the other.

Was there a third?

I forget....

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