Demigod User Manual: Introduction

Thanks Frogboy, keep it coming

Edit: I'm no pro but this might make the text scan more smoothly - there is a bunch of stuff like you don't need unless the exposition comes out later. Also I kinda miss the All-Father rather than the Progenitor:

Near the end of the 87th Migration, when the balance under threat, the Ancients called a Gathering. The Gathering found that one among them, the Progenitor, had shared Ways and Names with some on the other side of the Veil.

The Gathering cast the Progenitor out and all of his faction and clan were laid low and destroyed utterly.

The immortal Ancients then sought one to take his place. It was known that Progenitor had fathered many children from mortal consorts and that some held the divine spark they would need to win his seat. None of the Ancients could agree on which should ascend, however, so messengers were sent to each of the half-mortal offspring of the Progenitor that they might take part in a great Game. [This part is rough. Help, all you literary critics]

The Demigod who defeated all of his opponents in combat would prove him or herself worthy to join the Ancients as a god. The rest would be thrown down with their father.

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Wow! Frogboy is in literary mode today.

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i dont know if many of you know it, but have you ever hold the Warcraft 2 manual in your own hands? in my opinion it was the greatest manual i've ever seen... illustrations for any kind of unit, building-trees, a complete story and explanation of those and ... ah its amazing. today such manuals are so rare! im someone who is very interested in such things if i buy a game. it's something, that makes the bought game rounder, give a special WOW! effect to it. most time such stuff is hold only in Collector editions for extra money. but if i buy a standard version i get just a DVD/BlueRay and sometimes not even that. look at BF2142 Northern strike, the dvd case was just the hull for a piece of paper with a key!!! that is not for what i will pay again (EA i know... -.-) !

if you could come up with a good and genious story like warcraft started, i think this could give you a great advantage in further versions and add-ons to keep the story going on and will bring some "aaaah i have to know whats coming now!" effect to the players. not only that, bonus-books like they are sold for warcraft, starcraft and diablo (the first 3 warcraft and diablo books are great in my opinion especially those of richard A. Knaak... back to topic....) could come up as well, telling sidestorys of different demigods and and how they became "demigodly" or something like that. i for my part would be very interested in the story of the rook

but the little story above is already not bad, but i like them in a huge size with many details. ´just to set up a little story which causes to the happenings in game would be a waste of giant potential!

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7hyrael, I completely agree with you man. I actually prefer the Starcraft story. The great being that was once a defender of all that was good eventually being corrupted was an epic storyline and really hooked me. This is the beginning of the story. Heck, Tolkien would have been impressed. http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/info/story/chapter1.html

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The above writeup, along with the character descriptions, give the feeling that they're supposed to come off epic, powerful, and carry some appropriately deep meaning. They're very, very close, but to me they're still falling short. With a little work, as others are already suggesting, I think this can be remedied and a really strong base element could be present that may spawn an even deeper and appreciated fiction.

I don't want to be rude, at all, as I'm an artist (filmmaker) and I understand how much time and effort goes in to every aspect of a production. I have friends working for some major players in the gaming industry and appreciate deeply what you guys are putting together. I agree with Jeffwads and 7hyrael's approaches and thoughts - Blizzard and others have done remarkable jobs at diversifying their IP's... looking forward to seeing what comes from Demigod.

Thanks - I'm looking forward to the continued elements from the manual!

Best-

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Here's a rough edit that I think works rather nicely:

Near the end of the 87^th Migration, when the minions of Hel-Gorgath were in rebellion and the Balance between the Light and the Dark was under threat, the Ancients convened a Gathering. This Gathering found that one of their own, the so-called god known by mortals as the Progenitor, had intervened by sharing Names and Ways with his underlings and allies on the other side of the Veil.

In punishment, the Ancients cast down the Progenitor from the Deep Places and all of the beings in his ken were laid low and destroyed utterly.

The Ancients, known among the mortals as gods, therefore sought a Successor. It was known of the Progenitor that some of his many offspring, begotten through mortal consorts, retained sufficient divinity to stand for Induction. But not all agreed, for some were offended by the obscene co-mingling of Essences with crude flesh and by the rank perversity of the Progenitor’s base dalliances. For this reason, as well for the amusement of the Ancients, a Game was proposed for the offspring to prove themselves worthy.

So it was made to be that messengers were sent to the Places of the Dark and the Light to summon the Successors to Rokkur. There, they would throw down their brothers and sisters in the arenas to win the favor of the Ancients and ascend to join their ranks.

+1

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Nice edit. I hope Frogboy considers using it.

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It's ok, I'm a supporter of the more mysterious fastforward-magic story that Scathis had, but a fantasy(albeit generic) them can be use too.

Using numbers in a story weakens its epicness and mysteriousness. If you have to right it in letter so: eightyseven instead of 87. But I would recommend changing it to something else.

Hel-Gorgath... Please no, think of a better name. For the rest, nothing special, but it's certainly not bad.

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Alright, to be honest, this needs some work. I read the first paragraph and my mental response was "wat". I got nothing out of it. I only understood after I read the other paragraphs, and it really helped that I already knew the story. The problem is that you have too many specific things that don't get explained. The 87^th migration? Hel-Gorgath's minions? Ancients? Wtf are these? "Sharing names and ways with his underlings and allies on the other side of the Veil" - what does that even mean? He told them his name or something? The idea is fine - good and evil mortals are fighting, the All-father tried to help one side, the other Gods got mad and made him an outcast, then decided to make his half-god children fight for his spot - but the actual write-up is filled with details that don't add anything; they just make it fancy-sounding.

In contrast, the last two paragraphs aren't too bad. You use lots of unnecessary fancy words, but there are very few proper nouns; it is clear that the Progenitor had a bunch of children with mortals and the Gods sent messengers to get them to fight for the Progenitor's place. It is okay to have detail and lots of backstory, but you don't want to throw it at the reader immediately. Someone reading the manual wants to know how to play and wants a little bit of story so they know what is going on; if they want detail, it should be provided somewhere else, like in descriptions for each Demigod or in official fiction or something other than the introduction.

I would suggest something more like this:

"When the minions of darkness, led by Hel-Gorgath, were in rebellion, and the balance of light and darkness was under threat, the Gods convened a gathering. The Gods found that one of their own, the so-called All-Father, had intervened in the conflict by sharing names and ways of war with his underlings and allies in the mortal realm.

The Gods did not approve of this intervention. In punishment, they cast down the All-Father from the Pantheon and all of his servants and kin were destroyed.

The Gods therefore sought a successor. It was known of the All-Father that some of his many offspring, begat by mortal consorts, retained sufficient divinity to stand for induction to the Pantheon. But not all agreed, for some were offended by the obscene co-mingling of the essences of Gods and the crudeness of flesh. For this reason, a game was proposed for the offspring to prove themselves worthy.

So it was made to be that messengers were sent to the Dark and Light Places to summon the potential successors to the world of Rokkur. There, they would throw down their brothers and sisters in the arenas to win the favor of the Gods and ascend to their ranks."

I think that makes it a little easier to understand. I think the Hel-Gorgath part might not even be necessary, if he doesn't actually have anything to do with the game other than backstory. It would also be good to explain Rokkur:

"Rokkur was a world of eternal conflict. The mortal forces of Light and Darkness had fought for centuries with no progress made by either side. Thousands of majestic stone arenas were built on Rokkur by the opposing forces. These arenas were the sites of fierce combat and horrible slaughters. More and more arenas were built over time, using the old sites as foundations for newer places of battle, resulting in a massive layer of arenas around the planet. However, despite their utmost effort, neither side could defeat the other, and the stalemate seemed destined to last forever.

The children of the All-Father were sent to these majestic arenas to turn the tide of battle. Each of the offspring, essentially half-gods and know to the true Gods as Demigods, fought for either the force of Light or the force of Darkness. There were four Gods of Light and four of Darkness in the Pantheon, and the winner of the contest for the All-Father's place would give one side control. The Demigods assisted the waves of mortal warriors in an effort to destroy the great Citadel of their enemies, the headquarters for the forces at each arena, surrounded by defenses. The first to destroy the enemy Citadel would be the victor at that arena, and thus win favor with the Gods and move towards securing a place in the Pantheon."

+2

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Yah as was said before please change it back to all- father sounds alot better. but please continue the info distributing

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I am using GPG's source materials for the story. I'm not the creator of the story so don't give me undue credit for the back story.

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When the minions of darkness, led by Hel-Gorgath, were in rebellion, and the balance of light and darkness was under threat, the Gods convened a gathering. The Gods found that one of their own, the so-called All-Father, had intervened in the conflict by sharing names and ways of war with his underlings and allies in the mortal realm.

The Gods did not approve of this intervention. In punishment, they cast down the All-Father from the Pantheon and all of his servants and kin were destroyed.

The Gods therefore sought a successor. It was known of the All-Father that some of his many offspring, begat by mortal consorts, retained sufficient divinity to stand for induction to the Pantheon. But not all agreed, for some were offended by the obscene co-mingling of the essences of Gods and the crudeness of flesh. For this reason, a game was proposed for the offspring to prove themselves worthy.

So it was made to be that messengers were sent to the Dark and Light Places to summon the potential successors to the world of Rokkur. There, they would throw down their brothers and sisters in the arenas to win the favor of the Gods and ascend to their ranks

I like this a lot.

As for the characters such as Hel-Gorath, it's really not my call as to remove a character and such because GPG may intend on expanding on these characters in future games.

For instance, if GalCiv had been published by someone else and they got rid of references to Draginol or the Arnor and such, I would have been upset because that backstory serves as some of the inspiration for Elemental.

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For instance, if GalCiv had been published by someone else and they got rid of references to Draginol or the Arnor and such, I would have been upset because that backstory serves as some of the inspiration for Elemental.

Understandable - You are establishing a narrative backstory. It's important that you spread it out a bit, though. Put too much extruded fantasy product in the first three paragraphs of the manual and you will turn off anyone who actually reads.

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Quoting Frogboy,

reply 13

I like this a lot.

Thanks

As for the characters such as Hel-Gorath, it's really not my call as to remove a character and such because GPG may intend on expanding on these characters in future games.

For instance, if GalCiv had been published by someone else and they got rid of references to Draginol or the Arnor and such, I would have been upset because that backstory serves as some of the inspiration for Elemental.

That makes sense. Details like Hel-Gorgath can be useful for expanding later; if there are no details in the back story, it can be difficult to write stories for expansions wiithout it sounding like the writers just came up with something because they had to justify the expansion pack or sequel.

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I do see what the story is trying to achieve: dumping you into a world and revealing dribblings that you piece together yourself can work well, particularly if the world is an interesting one. At the moment my eye is just sliding right off it though.

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Quoting Nights Edge,

reply 16

I do see what the story is trying to achieve: dumping you into a world and revealing dribblings that you piece together yourself can work well, particularly if the world is an interesting one. At the moment my eye is just sliding right off it though.

Here is some backstory from Elementa: http://forums.joeuser.com/334864

Do you consider that more compelling or boring or something else?

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I thought that was less confusing.

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I think I like the Elemental inspiration story the better of the two as thing stand. The opening 'not wholly ruined in the beginning' is a lovely turn of phrase, and draws you right in whilst letting you know that Draginol is your fallen from grace Lucifer type character. By constrast, 87th migration is 'huh?'.

I really thought that the little single-paragraph descriptions of the Demigods from Beta 1 were excellent, and would love to see more in that style.

I am very glad that there will be a backstory and that some attention is being paid to it. I know most people just want the game mechanics right, but for me a bit of atmosphere really adds to a game.

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